When your scale talks back to you

I have lived a life in and out of fad diets. I have done them all ...tried them all nothing you say will surprise me I know how they all work. I often think back and wish that someone would have told me that as a junior in HS at 5'10 the exact same height I am now and 160lbs which is FARRRRRRRRRRRRRR from where I am now was a healthy weight for someone who was an athlete. I ran 8-10 miles aday I worked out because I played field hockey 3 seasons a year. I thought I was fat because all of my friends were 100lbs soaking wet and were not built like I was....and because some family members thought according to drs I was a fatty too and don't worry reminded me of that A-L-O-T.  I would give anything to have that cute body back. I would not give anything to get the guilt of eating or the yo yo dieting back. I have been up and down so much and until recently I have tried really figure out what the deal is. I have an idea on some of it. 

 wish my toes looked that cute

here is a picture of me at Christmas this year--i thought I was going to  lets be real ...I DID CRY when my sweet bil posted this on FB I was quick to remove the tag and thought to myself OMG do I really look like that?? I sat and stared at this picture for a long time...who is that? that is NOT me....How did that happen? How did I let my selfishness take over and create THAT...GROSSS NEVER NEVER again will I allow that to happen.

Here is the deal~ I have accountability now in some awesome friends(here and a group of faithful WW friends in CT...fun facebook group) who have been there and want for me to succeed. I have the willpower to want it...not from me but from the LORD. I have started a new devotional from FIRST PLACE the Christian based weight loss program. This daily boost of God's word and scripture memory is just what I need. I have shared this with my bible study peeps but the day that I really felt FREEDOM in this bondage /addiction I have been living was the day the devotion was titled " EXCUSE BUSTER" ahemm I started to feel like I was going to choke....I didn't even want to read it.

Based off of 1 Corinthians 10:13: the message

13No test or temptation that comes your way is beyond the course of what others have had to face. All you need to remember is that God will never let you down; he'll never let you be pushed past your limit; he'll always be there to help you come through it.

WHAT IN the World have I been thinking? How could I be so selfish to think that with each food decision I make whether it is for me or for my family that I could even take the easy way out?? How could I ever even think that faster is better when my health and LIFE depend on it? I am a wimp...a loser to think that there are millions of people out there starving and without so much and here I am spending $$ on fast food or the quick easy meals loaded with CARBS and sodium because it makes my life easier?? WHO AM I??? UGHHH typing it I get all fired up again. That is the day it clicked...its different this time...its not about me. Its about honoring God with what HE gives me and Jordan. Its about our finances and that we can make good choices if I plan. Its my JOB to plan these meals out for my family. Its my job to be prepared to fight satan each day with healthy snacks and to know when to walk away. I have not felt bad or sad or missing anything...I have been filled with HIS word and its feels GREAT.
As I sat across from my WONDERFULhusband( have I mentioned how much I love him??;)) at out Valentine lunch date and he ate dessert only after I MADE him go get it from the FREE dessert bar...I thought ...you know that sure that looks awesome but that does not compare to how I will feel when NONE of my clothes fit and I can chase my boys on the beach without being embarrassed by my granny suit or my fatness. I want to look HOT for my hubs and fit for my boys. William has noticed and that is so fun...he tells me I look pretty and asks me how much weight I have lost when I told him almost 20lbs yesterday he said he could tell...hmmm I love that kid even more. My family has benefited from our salads every night...and they have enjoyed almost all of my new WW creations. HA
I am in no way done with this battle as a matter of fact I feel that it is just the beginning. I do know this...Its different....1 Corinthians 10:13 says so....HE is there to fight my battle each day right along side me.
Giving GOD the honor and GLORY that HE takes me through from 5:30 am to 9:00pm( hey I need my sleep...don't judge)